Gag Factory TV

So why am I writing a post about website software? What possible use could that have to your comedy career? How does a comedian, act or entertainer benefit from website design software? OK, here’s how…

Popularity.

The more popular you are the more money you will make.

How?

Glad you asked. Like anything, any products, service, business or organisation the more popular your brand is then the more people will find you, talk about you and purchase what it is you offer. Currently the best place to be popular is on the Internet, getting found, no matter what your service, comedy, entertainment or otherwise you need people to find out about you. It’s essential, and a good website should be a part of every comedians personal marketing ‘armoury’. Sure, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace etc all have their place and will help but your own website, found by search engines such as Google, Yahoo and MSN is going to be essential for you to make a living, earning money and being a success out of being a professional entertainer.
Start to think of yourself as your own personal Brand, brand “You” needs therefore to create a space online solely dedicated to that brand identity without distractions, intrusions and ads for all sorts of competing products. In short you need your own website.

But the cost is going to put most people off, with hosting, design and running of an effective website you can easily invest £1000 or more to keep the website going. You have to be sure your investment is going to pay off, and if you’re suffering in the current economic climate how are you going to make ends meet with that kind of investment?

The answer is simply. D.I.Y. Design It Yourself. Create your own website from scratch. Run it yourself and be your own website manager.

If you’re anything like me you’re now going to be thinking “What? I can’t do that, I don’t have the experience or the knowledge, where do I start?”

Well, I’m not going to lie to you, it’s going to require a little investment in time and money, but for well below £1000 you can own a website that generates income for you as a comedian, entertainer or act, here’s how to do it in 3 steps:

1) Purchase a domain name, make sure that domain name has a keyword of what you do in it. So if you’re a band called the Three Amigos, www(dot)threeamigos(dot)com is going to be your obvious choice. However www(dot)functionbandthreeamigos(dot)com is better, as the domain name tells the search engines what it is you do. You could even be www(dot)partybandandentertainersthreeamigos(dot)com giving you a few keywords. Buy this domain and get yourself a hosting package. If you’re in need of somewhere to put your website online then talk to me I do hosting for a number of websites and can advise you on the best way forward and how to best market yourself online.
2) Go to Google type in website templates and then have a look at the websites that pop up, one I use is called monster template who offer a wide range of templates. You’re not going to buy one but you can have a look at ideas, never just rip someone off but it will give you an idea of themes, colours, styles etc. From that you can choose something you like and try to emulate colours schemes etc. NEVER INFRINGE COPYRIGHT!!!
3) Purchase XSitePro website design software. This software is the secret weapon in my marketing arsenal. Seriously. Without this I would earn nothing, nadda, zilch. Basically nothing. It is easy to use, if you can used MS Word you can use this. It requires no programming or website design knowledge or complicated wizards or interactive menus etc. It is quite simply THE only web design software with marketing in mind and I have used it successfully over the past 5 years. The beautiful thing about XSitePro web design software is the SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) functionality that is built in to it. If you can click, type and read then you can build a website that will reach the top of the search engines. That is no idle boast, I have done it, Google: Little Britain Lookalikes, Ali G Lookalike, Borat Lookalike and you’ll see that my websites have attained and still retain first place, as well as sometimes second AND third place for the same keyword. One set of keywords has me 1,2,3,5,7 & 9 on the first page, where is the competition? Nowhere. With silent phones!

Now you’re thinking, “Oh but he must know all there is to know about website building” let me tell you this, yes, I do know a bit about websites, but I have learned most of what I know from X Site Pro. Furthermore, recently I taught someone who could barely email to use X Site Pro and now the website she runs is first place for her 4 most valuable keywords, all that inside 6 months and with only 4 hours of teaching and I showed her how the software works over coffee. You can easily learn this Web Design Software on your own, it may take a few hours of reading the comprehensive instruction manual, and a bit of trial and error, but it will be an investment in resources that will pay dividends time and time again. Recently I have been contacted about work from
America
Switzerland
New Zealand
And all over the UK
Because I was found on the Internet, if I can’t type your act, or what you do and not find you, you might as well not bother to exist, that’s the harsh fact but it’s the truth. You can start the change today by doing the three step above and take control of your own online marketing.

I would urge you to make the investment and you will make your money back time and again like me with afocused, well designed and well written website which you develop over a few months. Don;t worry about the look of it, it’s better that you have a website which is growing and developing day by day, week by week than nothing. It’s like the lottery, unless you buy a ticket you can’t win it. But unlike the lottery it’s not about luck, it’s merely about doing. This is my promise, start today, choose the right keywords and offer a good service and in 6 months your website will be being found, the phone will be ringing and you can start to earn a full time living as an entertainer.

A final note, I had a web design company ask me how my single line in Yell.com was working out and that they could get build a website and get it to the top of the search engines. I told him I already was and he kinda laughed sceptically, then typed in my 5 best keywords for which I was coming up 1, 2 and 4th. That curtailed that conversation, so if you wanna wipe the smile of expensive webs site design agencies then to recap:
1) Get a keyword rich domain name
2) Get some design ideas from other websites
3) Buy X Site Pro and start to transform your acts fortunes. Literally.

And start to profit from being found on the search engines.

All the best and good luck,

Stuart

P.S. I can also offer you hosting. Keyword choice and content and design advice. In fact I can do the lot but will urge you to run your own site!

First things first. The best piece of advice you’ll ever get for trying stand up is “just go for it”. Nowhere is that saying more true than in stand up comedy. Just get up on the stage and do it. So you may fall flat on your face (I have actually seen someone trip as they walked on and that got a big laugh!) but nothing, NO THING will ever give you the same buzz as making an audience of people laugh.
You can do training to prepare, you can write material endlessly but until you have stood in front of an audience and made them laugh you’ll always wonder and worry about it “Could I do it?”.

Well the process goes something like this…

You screw up enough courage and find a promoter that isn’t daunted by the phrase “It’ll be my first gig” either they are pathologically addicted to failure or feed of the carcases of the new comic.
So you’ve booked the gig, hallelujah! Well done, that’s the biggest obstacle overcome, you are over joyed that you finally did it. Except you haven’t yet but you won’t realise this. But for now, you got the (unpaid) gig, brilliant, you tell your mates, they get excited and so do you, and they do too and you do as well and round and round in some kind of orgiastic self congratulatory fuelled love-in of mutual self satisfaction.

Then, suddenly, usually when you’re back home late at night, falling asleep with the drink and drugs wearing off. Yeah, when you’re lying there in that womb like state that too much cheap red wine and one or two “phat bifters” of some nice home grown gives you. When you’re lying there floating about 2 inches from the bed with that soft gentle buzz in your ears and the soundtrack to Bladerunner playing in the back ground, then, at your most pleasant, blissed out, chilled central nub of pleasure. Then (move closer reader as I lower my voice and look left and right for I am about to give you the inner most secret of comedy) Then. And only then. (OK, I’ll get to it)

You think “Shit, why did I tell them, now I REALLY have to do it or else they’ll think I’m a complete loser, bottler, insert suitable non des plume here”. Totally losing your comedy erection, falling hard onto the bed, crashing, plummeting, that sudden jerking awfulness of oh no shit, I got to actually do it or forever face my mates as the loser I know in my inner most thoughts I know my self to be. Either that or move, change my name, buy a false identity and become “Ramone Vangetiste”, who is a melon farmer from Paraguay and even though you don’t know how to speak the lingo it’s better than having to face the truth, the line in the sand that is…

THE GIG.

You then worry about the thing all the time. It’s so bad that any time you’re not thinking about it that when you remember that you are not thinking about THE GIG then you’ll then worry that you’re not worrying enough about THE GIG.

The week before THE GIG you’ll get an urge to cancel. Don’t.
6 Days before THE GIG you’ll get an urge to cancel. Don’t.
5 Days before THE GIG you’ll get an urge to cancel. Don’t.
4 Days before THE GIG you’ll get an urge to cancel. Don’t.
3 Days before THE GIG you’ll get an urge to cancel. Don’t.
2 Days before THE GIG you’ll get an urge to cancel. Don’t.
1 Day before THE GIG you’ll get an urge to cancel. Don’t.

12 hours before THE FUCKING GIG ARGHHHH you’ll get an urge to cancel and soil your pants.
Don’t.
6 Hours to go before, THE. Umm, thing, yeah that thing I’m doing. Oh look, my recycling needs sorting into size order. At that point, and not before mind, but at that point you’ll suddenly get a bit light headed and hysterical, everything will seem funny, a lot damn funnier than the stuff you’ve prepared.
You’ll call a mate, member of your family or random stranger and say something like “Is this funny? Blah, blah, blah?”

Resist the urge to rip your set up and do 5 minutes on why the postman who comes to your office is funny. Unless he’s called Raoul Mayall in which case that should be your opening gag coz’ that shit is funny…

2 Hours to go, you keep thinking you’re going to vomit. Dirty burps keep rising and the thought of food is a distant memory. Ignore that. EAT, something, anything, a banana is good you’ll need something that the adrenaline can turn into glucose or else you really might feel feint especially if the room’s warm and you’re tired, hungry and pumped choc full of adrenaline with blood in your guts and not your head! You’ll also have a hard time remembering your set, you may also suffer from flight or fight syndrome, this is a primordial condition in which in a stressful situation you either run away or come out slugging. Either option is not helpful for inducing hilarity in a watching audience. So chill, chew and chillax (can’t believe I just use that word)

Try to deep breathe and stay focused on your opening line, if you know your stuff the rest will follow.
If you don’t know how to learn lines then I will be putting together a masterclass soon (well as soon as I get chance)

1 hour to go. Run through the set, picture it going well, stay focused but try to relax, deep breathes help. Inhale to the count of 7, hold for a count of 7, exhale to a count of 7, relax for a count of 7 and then inhale to a count of eight, do this exercise until you are up to a count of 12 for each thing and you’re shoulders will detach themselves from your ears. Unless you’re Clive Anderson or possibly Sandy Toksvig (are they related?)…

30 Mins to go, you’re probably in the venue, resist the urge to order a triple Vodka. Try room temp water, cold water can constrict the larynx, a warm drink, even a tea will be quite nice, add some sugar not too much or you’ll risk crashing as your adrenaline burns it all up.

Identify yourself to the MC, tell him if you have a train to catch, if you like to be introduced in a certain way (not that you’ll know it’s your first gig), tell him if your name is hard to say the right way to say it, try also to go on in the first bit it just means you get it over with sooner rather than later. Resist the urge to go on towards the end especially if it is all open mic-ers. Go on late and you have a long hellish wait and each comedian who goes on before you will seem to do all your topics, all your jokes and be much funnier. They are not, you are only competing with yourself and this self doubt is like acid to your esteem and confidence. Also going on late may mean a drunker crowd, or a hostile crowd if the comics who all go on in front of you are not good.
So go on in the first 3 or 4 if you can. If not don’t panic, it’ll make little difference. Before you start your set: Take the mic out the stand, move the stand, put you head up, face the audience and in a nice, loud, clear voice say “Hello, how are you?” wait for a bit of a response or a gap where one should be and then say “Great…” and move into your set… Unless they say “Fuck off and die” in which case you respond “Hello Glasgow” (no offence Weegies! My Grandfather was born in Glasgow and used to play me Chick Murray… Anyway…)

The three questions all the other comics will ask is:
1) How long you been doing stand up?
2) How many gigs have you done?
3) Done any other gigs lately
Obviously if the answer to 2) is one then 3) doesn’t apply…

OK, so you hear your name and it’s your turn.
You walk on stage… take a deep breath… then you find yourself saying… One nanosecond later… you hear yourself saying “Thank you, Goodnight” The sound of the applause sounds a bit like the sound of blood rushing in your ears and so you’re a bit confused as you stumble out of the bright lights.

You did it, you feel like a god (or goddess depending on how dangley your bits are) and you wanna high five everyone. Don’t, resist the urge, just make your way to the bar and have a drink. It doesn’t matter if it went well or not, all that matters is you’re not dead, which means you can do it all again!

The more you do the less stress you put yourself under, it is so much easier when you have material that works and the only way you get it to work is by putting it out there in front of a live audience. So look at every gig as Research and Development opportunity provided to you by every lovely promoter giving you gigs.

Don’t worry about getting brilliant, worry about adding just one new gag to your set each time you perform, 20 gigs in you should have 10 decent gags if you have been developing material between gigs. 40 gigs in you’ll have 20 decent gags and the ability to tell them and get decent laughs.
The rest is then stage craft development, which 40 gigs in you should have a good basis in, you may have some bad habits but go do a sort acting course at any college or uni this will add to your armoury of skills.

Maybe even join a local chapter of toastmasters, who do public speaking training, that can help.
But once you’ve done it for the first time you’ll realise that it’s not as bad as you’re imagination will lead you to believe. We learn not to stand out from the crowd as we fear humiliation, which is probably why a lot of comics have been bullied and then go on to do stand up, what’s the worst that could happen? Well it probably already has and at least you have a mic and a stand to defend yourself with!

If you want a guide to 25 common mistakes comedians make then sign up to our newsletter www.thegagfactory.co.uk/newsletter.htmland get a free copy.

All the very best and just focus on writing, writing, writing for it’s the material that counts not your ego (ok a bit of ego maybe Wink )

Klaatwo the Hip Hop Snow Robot lives in this video!

Guildford was under 16 inches of snow and so we decided to build an all conquering Metal Minion to do our bidding. Seeing as it was the Day The SOuth Stood Still this was our homage to Klaatu in the film The Day The Earth Stood Still.

Hope you like it!

Saw this on the great, the fantastic Failblog.org and it makes me cry with laughter every time, hope you enjoy!

Jumpin’ Jaks Fail - Failblog.org

It’s been hectic, really hectic, I have been inundated in writing deadlines hence the lack of updates. But fear not there will be updates and soon!

We’re even widening the remit, so will be offering YOU the chance to add, create and upload your very own vids for other comics to watch. So if you have footage, or have appeared at the Gag Factory and we have footage then we’ll upload clips should you and only if you approve.

So let’s get through the snow and get into Feb (further in) and we’ll be adding some moreinfo but in shorter, pithy burts.

Keep the feedback comin’!

Gag Factory Show #002

Usual mix of advice and opinion about the world of comedy, from stand up and comedy clubs to entertainment and variety we are trying to offer advice to the working act, focusing on comedy but hopefully valuable advice for all acts is in there. This week we hear from Shelley Ginsburg in the first (of many we hope) ‘Schtick with Shell’, this week she interviews the up and coming comedian and actress Carlease Burke about life as an actor slash comic in Los Angeles. Yes we’ve gone international with American stand up acts starting to want to be involved! Hopefully we’ll hear more from and of Carlease plus others on the other side of the Atlantic. Please comment and reply we love to hear from you.

Details of our fantabulous Xmas special are here, Facebook Event for details do come along, dress in something sparkly and be a Christmas bauble. Wehave all sorts of great things including Shazia Mirza headlining. A great night of comedy entertainment!

See you there!

In this one I set out the Gag Factory stall, our vision and what we want you to do. Gag Factory TV is stand up comedy 2.0, get in touch and tell us what you think. Comedian? Stand up comedy club? Promoter? Get in touch tell us what you think and what you want us to cover.

Hello and welcome to Gag Factory TV. Watch, enjoy, comment, feedback, forward, argue, entertain, review and just generally anything that you can think about regarding the world of comedy, esp. live stand up comedy.

We’ll be trying to cover everything. So get involved get typing, email us and give us your opinion, we want to know what you think, what you want, what you are up to, have you filmed something, have you recorded something, have you got a video response, wanna show us something you think is cool or we can download? This is the future, make your own channels and get yourself noticed, see our GFTV show #001 really, really soon.

All the best from the GF Team

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